Road Trip

Six hours on the road. Stopped to eat lunch, pee, rent a video from Redbox, get gas. Ellie in the front seat with a blanket over her head for most of the trip. Lucy, Lydia and Noah in the back. Six hours in the car with sticky gum wrappers, emptied water bottles, ground in goldfish, whiny, sleeping, happy, crying, talkative kids. It's amazing the emotions you can experience in six hours.

We arrived home to a tightly locked house. Maddie at work and me with no house key. So, we all pile back into the car and drive to Smoothie King to get a house key. I'm exhausted.

But, the weekend in Virginia Beach with Steve was definitely worth the trip (twice). The trip up had much less stopping and much more anticipation. Ellie and I chatted much of the way, she drove for a good bit for me. The kids in the back laughed, talked, played games and were happy to watch the one video I did bring along. Funny how anticipation is so different from the mundane. Returning to our life in Charlotte. What we know, what we live, what we are enduring now so we can make it to the end.

I stood in the kitchen tonight fixing dinner for the little guys. They sat at the bar asking for water, more chicken, more cheese and crackers. I stood there feeling every second tick off the clock. But, for a split second I wanted to really feel the moment so I made myself be still. I could feel the weight of my body pressing my feet into the floor. Feel this moment. Be present here and now. Hear the children, listen to their constant chatter. Be present, take it all in.

But it was gone as quickly as I willed it to come. Fatigue and impatience set in and all I can think is, "go to bed!"  Them and me.

I'm thankful for the small moments of being aware. Thankful that I have even that. But, the impatience far overshadows  those moments right now. I'm snappy, barking orders, giving killer looks to my kids so often I surprised I have any left. (kids, that is)

Today though, I'm taking refuge in the small victories. A quick snuggle, a kiss, a prayer at the end of the day. When we remember to say " thank you" or "I love you". These are the moments that are getting me through right now. I'm praying that these moments will begin to overshadow the fatigue and loneliness. That love will burn brighter than fear.

Perfect Love cast out all fear. So it must cast out all grumpiness, too. I'm counting on it.

Day 19. 102 to go!

The Long and Winding Road

121 Days. 17 weeks. 4 months. However you think about time- that is how long this journey to Virginia Beach is going to take us. It's a long road.

Steve in Virginia. The rest of us in North Carolina. Separated by 350 miles.

Today is day 6.

Last Friday was day one and Steve, our three oldest kids and I caravanned up to move Steve into his temporary digs. We spent the weekend getting to know the area, unpacking a few boxes of books in his new office and meeting some future friends. We also celebrated our Ellie's 16th birthday.

We walked on the beach (more like ran out there to see it and ran back) It was freezing! We discovered a great authentic Italian restaurant we'll be frequenting. Oh, and a fun sushi place. Ellie loves sushi.

It's been a whirlwind of a couple of months. Thanksgiving weekend when Steve's off-season with NASCAR began, we'd not thought of living in Virginia Beach. We'd not thought of taking a position as an interim pastor - a two year commitment. Yet, two and half months later- here we are. Living what feels like in many ways, someone else's life.

But, it's not. It's ours. We chose to have this adventure. So, no matter how hard it is right now- it is ours.

Over the last three years Steve has averaged being away from home about 120 days a year. We're just cramming all 121 days into the first part of the year and then we'll be finished. No more being apart. Together. Forever....maybe.

Who can ever say what the future holds?

Were doing it this way so our kids can finish the school year. Mainly, so our daughter Maddie can graduate from the high school she's been at for the last four years. I couldn't bear the thought of making her move her senior year. We've moved so much in her lifetime. Seven times. But, we've lived here in Charlotte since she was 10. This is her home- where all her lifelong friends live. At least for now. She'll be moving on in the fall anyway. But why make her do it prematurely?

This is a choice I never thought I'd willingly make. Living away from my soulmate. But, over the last few years of being apart so often I learned a few things.

I learned Steve is my soulmate but not my Source. I learned to really be in the moment you are in and to appreciate the days as they come. And,that just because I am without my husband it doesn't mean I am alone.

I learned I'm stronger than I thought.

So...... here we go!!  The long road to Virginia Beach. It's going to be quite the journey, I can tell.